As usual, the concept is pretty simple:

“The further you go into the playoffs, the longer the beards get.”

Yep, exactly like last year. Anyway, here is the 2012 beard-o-meter:

The Pens! Yes, crazy uh? That wouldn’t be a huge surprise, seeing their lineup, but yeah.I tried to pick a few upsets, but I couldn’t really see a real cinderella like Tampa last season.

In the East, I picked the Panthers over the Devils, mostly because I didn’t see a lot of people giving them a chance and because the devils have really sucked in the playoffs over the last few years. No other real surprise in the first round. but I think the Sens actually have a good chance against NY.

In the West, I decided to be a little bolder and I picked the coyotes over the Hawks and the Preds over the Wings. Those would not be huge upsets, but still. I hope the Blues can get as far as I predicted here, but unfortunately, I don’t think they can get much further. Hopefully they prove me wrong.

And in the SCF, I just can’t see the Canucks beating the Pens, so there you go!

Now let the habs-less playoffs start! Let’s go Blues!

Anyone here? Eww, it smells like no one opened the windows in about 3 months here.

Ahem. Yeah. Lets be honest, this blog is as good as dead. I have less time to do silly photoshops, and honestly, I discovered I liked tweeting just as much as blogging. Sure it’s nice to take the time to craft a nice little post, and to develop your thoughts in more than just 140 characters, but I like that twitter still allows me to vent after a loss, rejoice after a win (which was my main goal when I started this blog), be snarky or whatever, and if my tweet is well written, it’ll get a response right away. AND above all, it’s just as efficient (or even more actually) to procrastinate!

But anyway, I decided not to officially close this place, and I think I’ll just come back here from time to time, if I want to.

Like now. Because as you know, the playoffs are just around the corner! Crazy, I know. And so I feel like I HAVE to respect the tradition of posting my predictions under the form of the now time-tested beard-o-meter. It’s the third edition of the beard-o-meter, and the concept is still just as ridiculously simple as three years ago:

“The further you go into the playoffs, the longer the beards get.”

Yeah, I told you it was simple. Anyway, here are my official predictions for the 2011 nhl playoffs!

Yup. I picked the Red Wings. So you can take it to the bank: they have no chance. I successfully jinxed the Sharks two years in a row, and this time, it’s the Red Wings’ turn.

I picked the Preds as my “random team that decides to mess everyone’s predictions and reach the Conference finals” in the West. I  could see Tampa doing the same in the East. Mostly because they have Coach with them, so really, they have to win at least two rounds.

I had to pick Montreal over Boston. And I really wanted to pick Buffalo over Philly, but that meant too many upsets in the first round, so I went with the Flyers. I think the Caps are much better suited for the playoffs than last year. And I don’t think Vancouver will win it all. That’s the President’s trophy curse. So there you go!

For the record, here are my picks for last season. Yeah, that turned out great. :)

First, I want to mention the two that will likely be forgotten tonight: Chips and Paul Mara.

Paul Mara is kind of easy to forget. He was injured most of last season, and he didn’t get to show us his wonderful facial hair during the playoffs. But I wanted him to have success here, so I’m happy he’s playing more in Anaheim this season.

Chips. Oh Chips. I really liked you. I was really sad to see you go. But let’s be honest, that trade was probably better for you…

Now the two others.

Lapierre. Well honestly, I don’t really miss you at all. You were kind of good, sometimes downright hilarious with your crazy faces. But I can’t forget the bad penalties and the embarrassing moments either. I was never a huge fan of yours. I hope you’re doing well now, but honestly, I don’t really care.

And that leaves us with the real important one.

Le (vrai) Numéro 11.

THE CANADIAN PRESS/Paul Chiasson

There’s no need to say much here, everyone else will probably say much better than I ever could what this guy meant to Montreal. I’m not a Montrealer, but even for me he meant a lot, and yeah, I still miss him. Fans in the bell centre tonight better give him a freaking awesome ovation.

You’ll always look better in bleu-blanc-rouge, Saku.

I must say I feel bad for the poor little goalie in red with the blue mask. His GAA for that game must have been 453241985039451.53 :((

But yeah Trevor Timmins, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but could you please note this name on a post-it and keep it on your desk for the next 8 years, just in case? Thankyouverymuch.

David takes on Goliath.

Me:

~~~

Also:

~~~

And finally, on a different note, I haven’t had time to say it here, but I wish you all a fabulous year, with lots of fun (which might not be hockey related), success and happiness (which will probably not be hockey related…)!

Happy 2011!

:)

“I don?t totally disagree together with your perspective.”

“You made certain fine points there. I did a search on the matter and found nearly all persons will consent with your blog.” (Well if those are consenting adult readers, I think we’re fine. Phew!)

“Thanks for this! I’ve been searching all over the web for the info.” (Posted on the “about me” page of the blog… All over the web? Now that’s creepy!)

“You made some good factors there. I did a search on the subject and discovered most men and women will concur with
your weblog.” (And what about animals? Do they concur with the factors I made too? I’m intrigued now!)

“Fascinating…and I agree with all of it. Keep up the great work…I will undoubtedly be back shortly” (I’m not kidding, this was posted as a comment to THIS post. Undoubtedly my most fascinating post)

My favorite: “I am undeniably thankful to you for providing us with this invaluable critical info. My spouse and I are unquestionably grateful, entirely the computer data we needed.” That one cracks me up so much. I can’t help but picture an old couple behind their computer screen, extremely grateful for the VERY CRITICAL info they managed to obtain through this blog. I’m so glad I could help out, lovely couple!

This is a screencap from a video I saw on the Bulldogs website (it’s the one called “My favourite thing with Max  Pacioretty and Aaron Palushaj”). I found it pretty amusing. Especially the part where Palushaj screams “AAAH! AAAH! SANTA! WHERE’S SANTA?!” when he first sees the toys. What an actor.

Anyway, I hope for Pacioretty that his stay in Montreal will be better than the last one. I’ve got to say I’m a bit disappointed for David Desharnais at the same time. He can’t seem to get his chance… Called up for one day in Toronto, watched the game from the ACC press box, and returned to Hamilton the next day, just to see Max get called up. That has to suck. I realize the Habs probably don’t want to play with 3 smallish C’s (Pleky, Gomer and Desharnais), but I thought they might want to give him a chance while Gomez is out. It would have been a nice scenario for him… :/

And yes I’m a bit upset for the Bulldogs, but well that’s the way it is…

AAAAAAAAAARGH MY EYES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP THIS CBC!

Well so much for that. I was struck instead by the amount of clichés used in that 12 minutes preview. Granted, that was just a preview, and HBO has a target audience that is not limited to hockey fans (luckily for them I guess…), so it was expected that they would rely on those clichés. But still, it made me think about how hockey is ALWAYS portrayed in the exact same way on tv documentaries and shows that don’t focus immediately on the day to day coverage of the game results.

THE biggest hockey cliché

Every single time, these will include the following (sometimes in that order, but not necessarily):

- some kids playing outdoor hockey while the narrator pontificates about the roots of the sport

- a player skating, stickhandling, and/or shooting pucks at an empty net, alone in a dark and empty arena.

- a mention of the Stanley cup as the “ultimate prize”, the “hardest trophy to win in all sports”, or the “holy grail”

- close-ups on the grimacing faces of guys lifting weights in the gym (because you need to do that to get that cup)

- shot of players jumping out of the bench in slow motion, in a darkened arena

- MULTIPLE close-ups of guys lacing their skates, taping their sticks, putting their shoulder pads on, and sharpening their blades (because sparks look great and it’s just like someone sharpening a sword, which fits well with the usual “soldiers preparing for the battle” lazy analogy that the narrator usually used at that point)

- the camera following players walking in the corridor from their dressing room to the ice (with muted sound of the crowd cheering in the background)

- shots of fans cheering in the stands or waiving playoffs towels

- at least one slow motion shot of a puck bouncing on the ice, presumably during a face-off

- a series of bodychecks (half of which are actually charging penalties) filmed from the behind the glass, while the narrator lazily explains how tough players are

- a toothless player grinning on the bench because hockey players are not only tough, they’re also crazy goofy guys

- a brutal fight

- a coach going Playfair behind a bench

- a few classic highlights (crazy looking goals generally, and maybe a big glove save)

- a pile-up of players filmed after a team wins a playoff series

And I’m sure I’m still missing some… I find it a bit sad to see hockey so often reduced to these clichés. I think it has much more to offer than that, no matter how nice and flattering some of those images are.

If you can think of any other clichés I missed, leave them in the comments!